Today is my birthday. Outside of a lunch with a friend, I've spent most of the day drugged and/or asleep. This is the most depressing birthday I've ever had. I've done nothing. In truth this is the most depressing month I've ever had. And the most depressing 2 year span ever.
I'm not in the best mental state.
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Yesterday, I was in bad car wreck. I was on the way to a job interview. I was in the far right lane going South on 153. An Escalade was in the turning lane, going North on 153. The Escalade tried to do a fast left turn, across all lanes of traffic, into the Penn Station parking lot. Since I was in the right lane, I didn't see them because the other car(s) in the other lanes, who they also turned in front of, blocked my view. I imagine they never saw me. The Escalade pulled out right in front of me. I collided into the back passenger side of the vehicle.
The top of my head hit the steering wheel. The airbag hit me in the nose, neck, and chest.
I know I wasn't very coherent. It was a pretty scary moment. I initially thought my nose was broken. My nose was hurting and I kept thinking it was bleeding, but it turned out to be sweat and tears. I initially couldn't move my legs either. They seemed to be on fire and hurt really bad. I never got of the car.
The police, firemen, and paramedics were all awesome. A fireman pulled a chunk of metal out of my floor board. It was against my legs. He said that it was a part of my car, but he didn't know where it came from but it had hit me in the legs. Hence my legs hurting, not being able to kind of move them, and the initial, burning feeling.
They took me away in an ambulance because I couldn't really move. I wasn't very coherent. They said it would be wise to let them take me to the ER because I could have a small fracture in my right leg and I had hit my head.
Luckily, nothing was broken. I do have a concussion. (ANOTHER ONE)My legs are pretty bruised. My chest, neck, Adam's apple, and stomach are all sore and bruised as well. In truth, most of my body is sore.
The police officer visited me at the hospital to tell me he wasn't sure if the married couple of the Escalade actually had insurance because they didn't have proof with them but there were at fault of the accident. My car is totaled. I never got to see it but I heard from the officer and my sister that it was pretty much destroyed.
These next few days/weeks are going to be so stressful and so hard on my mind.
My mom and sister had posted on facebook about me.
I never really had my phone from up until I left the hospital. My sister had taken from my car because I dropped it after I had called for help and couldn't reach it. When I left the hospital I had 42 facebook messages. (I never have service in Memorial.) I read them all. When I woke up last night at almost 11pm, I had 16 more. Those weren't counting the missed calls/texts.
I was on the phone with my insurance company for quite a while. The lady was very kind. She had an Asian accent.
She asked me where my car was towed. She said, "What is the name of the tow yard?" I thought she said, "tool yard". I asked her again. She said it the same way. She then repeated, "Tow-Yard". I said, "Where you find tools? Like a Longhorn?" She didn't budge. She actually seemed more confused. I said, "Sorry, I'm stressed, in pain, and just depressed. I'm just making dumb jokes, trying to cope."
I felt embarrassed later. I went into a bawling fit with the paramedic.
I said, "I've lost 2 jobs. I've lost my home. I've been arrested. I've lost my insurance. I've now lost my car. I have nothing. I have to go to court in a few weeks because this woman I used to adore wants to bury me and I don't know how to defend myself when it comes to her. She acts like I'm obsessed with her or like I'm stalking her and people are acting like I attacked her... I never was obsessed with her. I was obsessed with correcting my mistakes and righting my wrongs. I am obsessed with the fact I hurt her, not her. I obsess over my failures. She is my failure. She doesn't get that. Her family doesn't. Her friend's don't. They all hate me. I made things worse. Now my life is over. Now I've lost everything."
Then he said, "Bro, I'm so sorry. Just be glad you're alive. When it rains it pours." I said, "I'm tired of hearing that stupid saying. My life has been one big ass monsoon. I wish the car wreck had killed me. I deserve it."
It was depressing.
In a weird, odd twist of fate, the one time I left home today my friend and I came upon a bad wreck that had just happened. A 16 year old driver was speeding around the corner hill on W Boy Scout. He lost control of his car and hit a family (a woman, her very young granddaughter, and her elderly parents) head-on. I got out and went to offer aid. I talked to the family and checked on them. Everyone seemed to be okay. The driver (the woman) had a burn on her arm from the air bag. She said her chest hurt too, but seemed fine. I told her I knew how that feels from the previous day.
The boy was losing his mind. I tried my best to calm him down. It was his first wreck. He didn't have his insurance on him so I told him to call the company and get it before the police show up because he'll need it since he was at fault. He said, "I was just going a little fast. I'll be honest. My tires have no traction." I said, "You were speeding. You lost control because you were going way too fast down that hill." He kept apologizing and tearing up. I felt so bad for him. Myself and another woman told him to take it as a lesson because he could have killed himself or any of the family.
It's just weird how life is and works out. I was in a scary wreck and 24 hours later I was aiding victims in another scary wreck that was sort of similar to mine.
It was the worst birthday weekend ever. Happy Birthday to me!
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