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J.Q.
I like to make others laugh and smile. I enjoy myself. I have white skin.

Anx

Yesterday I posted on my venting blog about a past situation in which I talked about my former friend and the pure painful situation she caused her now ex-husband, his family, and the issues she caused all her friends because of her anxiety disorder, which showed itself by her being unable to communicate anything, making her feelings and situations a priority rather thinking of others, thinking of herself and her problems, and just being completely unaware that the issues people had/her husband had, were from situations she created herself and treated others like they were in the wrong for being upset with her.

My older pastor friend read the long email she had sent her husband and read the emails she had sent all of us (she sent he and his wife one too), where she blamed us pretty much for being mean to her and not understanding her or what she was going through aka justifying why she was wrong was because of stress.

He said, "I feel bad for her, we all should We should be praying for and we all realize we will never be friends with her again."

He later said, which is wife reiterated, "People with anxiety disorder are almost unable to sincerely apologize for anything. They may feel bad and may even feel sorry, but they won't communicate it. Everything she said was her explaining that she was going through stressful times, being busy, and was depressed and that's why she acted in some of the ways she did, wrong or not. She then blamed everyone's reaction and being upset on everyone else, not herself. It's everyone else's fault for being mean and hurting her feelings. Everyone else doesn't care about her. She blames everyone else for pushing her. She doesn't see she created all these situations. She doesn't really apologize at all. She just acknowledges she did wrong, handle things poorly, and she may have hurt others, but she truly doesn't apologize. She just blames others for not knowing her thoughts and being hurt/upset, and instead of truly apologizing or taking responsibility, she just pushes everyone away with "leave me alone".

Which is true though. Many people with anxiety disorder don't truly apologize for what they did or the pain they caused. They don't mean to be that way. They just are so wrapped up in their head and thoughts that they struggle with the hurt or feelings of others beyond the surface level. My sister, I think I've heard apologize twice in ten years. And let me tell you, she's screwed me and others over quite a few times but she doesn't apologize. She just says she's going through stuff or stressed out, and that's supposed to be her apology, which isn't one at all. Which is kind of why she can lose friends sometimes. She's aware of how she can be though. She is awesome a lot.

It's like you can't confront them or hold them accountable for any pain or situation they caused because they will immediately throw out, "you don't care about me or what I'm going through." You're the bad guy.
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My friend told me Sunday, "Everyone sucks in some way. Everyone only thinks about themselves. Everyone is shitty in some way to someone, every day. You just are very open about how you suck and the ways you suck as a person and are ready to apologize for it before or after it happens, which is a good thing, but also pushes others away. Everyone's problem is worse than their own, and if you talk about it or are honest, you're the freak. Keep your mental health issues to yourself. Bottle it up and keep living life hurting people and yourself like the rest of us!"

Still makes me laugh. She's hilarious.

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